My Story ~ Anxiety and the Importance of Meditation
In my early twenties, I got my first anxiety attack. I had no idea what was happening… I just remember thinking I was going to die. Heart pounding, dizzy spells, shortness of breath and feeling like I was not on earth is the best way to describe it. At first it was few and far between. One every couple of months that I could deal with. Then as I got older, they began to get more frequent and more intense. I remember not wanting to go places in fear that it might be a trigger. Then they come on while driving or even home… and pretty soon there is no “safe” place. After the birth of my daughter when I was 26, they reached an all time high. I can remember sitting at work on my lunch break trying to calm my self from the second anxiety attack of the day. I went in tears to my bosses office and told her I couldn’t do this anymore. Thank goodness I work in healthcare so I was able to meet with two doctors that week. A regular MD who prescribed me 3 medications and a Psychologist to meet with on a regular basis. Needless to say, a month later I was a walking zombie. No anxiety attacks, but I felt like the soul had been sucked out of my body. I had no feeling.. happy or sad. Just numb to the world. After another two months, I knew I could not live my life like this any longer. I felt that God (or higher being) did not put us here on earth to have to live on medication. I thought there had to be another way. I read the Bible. I tried anxiety tapes that a friend had lent me. I prayed. One day, I tried a more unconventional route and decided to go to a psychic. He told me to read “The Power of Now” by Eckert Tolle. This book was a life changer for me. It was first time in many years that I had hope. I thought, if Eckert Tolle was on the verge of committing suicide and is now the #1 spiritual teacher, there must be hope for me!! I then went on to read “Money and the Law of Attraction” by Abraham Hicks. This book was about creating our own reality and came with a CD inside. One night I decided to listen and it told the authors story about how she started her meditation journey. I decided to give it a try for 15 minutes a day. At first it was a disaster and I could not get my monkey mind to slow down at all, but I kept at it. About 6 weeks in, I decided to give it a test and started slowly decreasing my medication under the supervision of my MD. It took about another 2 months to wean myself off of all the medications. I could not believe how great I was feeling. I was not getting any anxiety attacks AND I was myself again. I will say that first couple months off medication, I may have felt the onset of an attack two or three times, but I was able to focus on my breath and it immediately disipated. Soon after that, I was a new woman. Not only did I rid myself of anxiety attacks, but I soon found that the certain fears that I had as a child began to disappear. Fear of heights, fear of planes. It was a whole new world for me and I have continued to grow in so many ways from this single experience. If you would of asked me when I was 26 how I felt about anxiety attacks, I would have told you that they were ruining my life and they were my biggest nightmare. Today I see those anxiety attacks as a gift that was a jump start to a beautiful more holistic life style. (will extend soon to add to where I am now)