My Story ~ Anxiety and the Importance of Meditation

In my early twenties, I got my first anxiety attack.  I had no idea what was happening… I just remember thinking I was going to die.  Heart pounding, dizzy spells, shortness of breath and feeling like I was not on earth is the best way to describe it.  At first it was few and far between.  One every couple of months that I could deal with.  Then as I got older, they began to get more frequent and more intense.  I remember not wanting to go places in fear that it might be a trigger.  Then they come on while driving or even home… and pretty soon there is no “safe” place.  After the birth of my daughter when I was 26, they reached an all time high.  I can remember sitting at work on my lunch break trying to calm my self from the second anxiety attack of the day.  I went in tears to my bosses office and told her I couldn’t do this anymore.  Thank goodness I work in healthcare so I was able to meet with two doctors that week. A regular MD who prescribed me 3 medications and a Psychologist to meet with on a regular basis. Needless to say, a month later I was a walking zombie.  No anxiety attacks, but I felt like the soul had been sucked out of my body.  I had no feeling.. happy or sad.  Just numb to the world.  After another two months, I knew I could not live my life like this any longer.  I felt that God (or higher being) did not put us here on earth to have to live on medication.  I thought there had to be another way.  I read the Bible.  I tried anxiety tapes that a friend had lent me.  I prayed.  One day, I tried a more unconventional route and decided to go to a psychic.  He told me to read “The Power of Now” by Eckert Tolle.  This book was a life changer for me.  It was first time in many years that I had hope.  I thought, if Eckert Tolle was on the verge of committing suicide and is now the #1 spiritual teacher, there must be hope for me!!  I then went on to read “Money and the Law of Attraction” by Abraham Hicks.  This book was about creating our own reality and came with a CD inside.  One night I decided to listen and it told the authors story about how she started her meditation journey.  I decided to give it a try for 15 minutes a day.  At first it was a disaster and I could not get my monkey mind to slow down at all, but I kept at it.  About 6 weeks in, I decided to give it a test and started slowly decreasing my medication under the supervision of my MD.  It took about another 2 months to wean myself off of all the medications.  I could not believe how great I was feeling.  I was not getting any anxiety attacks AND I was myself again.  I will say that first couple months off medication, I may have felt the onset of an attack two or three times, but I was able to focus on my breath and it immediately disipated.  Soon after that, I was a new woman.  Not only did I rid myself of anxiety attacks, but I soon found that the certain fears that I had as a child began to disappear.  Fear of heights, fear of planes.  It was a whole new world for me and I have continued to grow in so many ways from this single experience.  If you would of asked me when I was 26 how I felt about anxiety attacks, I would have told you that they were ruining my life and they were my biggest nightmare.  Today I see those anxiety attacks as a gift that was a jump start to a beautiful more holistic life style. (will extend soon to add to where I am now)